Ego, Energy, and Equilibrium

Ego is an important part of how we view ourselves and is deeply rooted to our self-identity. Although I believe animals can have an ego as well, it is more strongly a human characteristic and is a rather complicated part of being human. A certain degree of ego is healthy as it allows us to navigate and thrive in a judgmental world with high pressures of success. With a battered ego, accomplishing ambitious goals is unachievable. If you have no self-confidence you will also exude a very weak energy. If you have too strong an ego, there is a defined aura of arrogance that will be repulsive for many around you. Horses are energy masters and are drawn to grounded, relaxed, confident, but humble people so if you strive for true partnership and connection, then learning to manage ego is part of the journey of horsemanship. Unfortunately far too often human ego gets in the way of what is best for the horse. Horses become status symbols, commodities, ways to prove one’s worth, and quite simply put, a slave to the human ego. 

We don’t need to eliminate our ego, but we need to learn to self-assess and keep our ego in check. For me, meditation practices have been an important part of my self-reflection and in turn allow me to see my ego from an almost outside perspective. If your ego is too fragile, you need to work on developing a sense of self-worth and building confidence. On the flip side being able to self-reflect on whether your ego has grown a little too large and learning to stay modest in the face of success is also critical but often challenging as we often don’t notice when our ego starts to become inflated and unappealing to those around us. In my experience I have found that a conscious practice of mindfulness, daily reflection on my life and where I am in the moment, along with the ability to let go of things that do not serve me allows me to keep my ego and my emotion in balance. 

As with everything in life, it’s always about balance. Ego can serve you to find self-esteem so that you are empowered to explore things with your horses, to take risks, and work to figure things out. Failure is critical in advancing ones skills in any art and you have to be willing to accept that failure and try again and not let your ego be crushed or defeated. Ultimately the successes will lead to increased self-confidence. However, striving to always have humility, be willing to show your vulnerability  and accept or work within your limitations is part of being at peace with yourself. Horses, particularly ones that are mentally balanced themselves, find this type of energy magnetic and you will open the door for dialogue with them if you can find the equilibrium between ego and humbleness. This is something I must constantly work towards. At times I feel like I’ve mastered that balance and then at times I feel like I need to start all over. It’s never easy as emotions are such powerful influencers in our behavior and the energy we bring to our daily training with horses. 

I follow my own path here in Narnia. I am highly introverted by nature and although I love to help people I am also quite content working on my own with minimal human interactions. I’m comfortable around people and it’s no problem for me to do public speaking or be in front of a crowd, but that’s a learned skill that I have developed through practice. If you engage me in a conversation about horses and training, which I’m passionate about, I can discuss theory for hours, but if I am put in a room full of strangers then I will sit in the corner and not say much. I love teaching, but the energy for me to to teach all day is much greater than that required to ride or train because mentally it takes much more from me to be with people. When it comes to training I don’t claim to be doing anything that I have discovered on my own. I simply study people that inspire me to be a better horsewoman. I’m always open to learning new things, but if something or someone doesn’t really resonate with me I will move on. I hope one day to influence the horse world not through ego or power, but through practice and inspiring others, even if it’s just on a local level. Since I don’t compete these days and have minimal contact outside of my regular students I often feel like nobody really knows who I am. I accept that. I don’t seek fame. I am just hoping to better the lives of a few horses and to be honest, I’m a bit selfish and I see horsemanship as a way to self-mastery. I think the highest level is actually unachievable and there is always more to improve so I keep climbing the mountain, searching for answers, enjoying the journey that has no end and hoping I become a little better person a long the way.